


Fictober 2019, Oct. 4th, “I Know You Didn’t Ask For This.”

by Morpheus626



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:41:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25044076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheus626/pseuds/Morpheus626
Summary: Yet another Fictober 2019 piece, as noted in the title!Y’all know that recording and transcript of Roger being a little shit and asking for one and three sevenths sugars in his coffee? I love that recording, and got inspired by it for this one.
Kudos: 21





	Fictober 2019, Oct. 4th, “I Know You Didn’t Ask For This.”

“I know you didn’t ask for this…” 

“No, I definitely didn’t,” Roger said delicately, slowly bringing the strange-looking cup of coffee towards him. “Is this because I-” 

“Asked for 1 and 3/7 of sugar in your coffee? Yes,” Brian replied. 

“How much sugar is…” 

“Look, the assistant is new, she had no clue you were joking, and was out there panicking over how to bring you coffee with the right amount of sugar in it. She asked me for help because, and I quote, ‘you’re a very smart man, surely you’ve had to make this for him before, what on earth does he mean?!’ “ Brian sighed. “So…a lot. I think.” 

“Is it curdling? Or…what are those shapes in it?” 

“Lumps of sugar, soaking up your coffee, I think. She couldn’t stir it, I know that much.” 

“…she could have just brought me black coffee, or asked, or-” 

“Did you miss the bit where I said she’s new, and nervous, and needing desperately to impress us, or so it would seem?” Brian asked, sipping at his own, normal cup of coffee. 

“But she didn’t even take down the coffee orders, one of the guys-” 

“Gave it to her because she’s newest, and I think they figured coffee is hard to fuck up. If given a normal coffee order, I too think it’s hard to fuck up, but…” he shrugged. “Just had to be funny.” 

“It was funny,” Roger protested, attempting and failing to stir the coffee into his cup of sugar. 

“Is it funny now? I mean, I should say, it is hilarious to me, but do you find it funny?” 

“Yes, I still do. I’m much funnier than you ever take notice of, Brian,” Roger said, slowly bringing the cup to his lips. 

“Please don’t,” he said, a hand stretched out to push the cup away. “I might actually be sick if I watch you drink that.” 

“Please do, because I bet him you would still drink it,” John said from the corner, grinning. “How bad can it be anyway?” 

“How much do you get off of him if I drink it?” Roger asked with a wicked smile, moving away from Brian’s reach. 

“Ten pounds for a few sips, twenty if you drink it all,” John replied. 

“Roger, no,” Brian started, but it was far too late for that. 

He was chugging the now cold coffee like his very life depended on it, while John cheered him on. 

“That is disgusting; I cannot believe-” he shuddered. “I’ll pay you both ten pounds to stop right now.” 

“And I will pay you both twenty to continue,” Freddie said, walking back into the room, the assistant behind him, her eyes wide at the scene. “Roger, you do know that Brian is the one who put all that in, not Martha?” 

Roger’s eyes darted over to him, the cup maybe half-finished. 

“I didn’t really think you’d actually drink it,” he said miserably. 

“I did,” John smiled. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t think he’d-” Martha seemed utterly miserable too, looking at Brian like he’d betrayed her in the worst possible way. 

“You’re fine, this is minor chaos compared to the usual. May as well sit and enjoy the show,” Freddie offered her a chair before sitting down in his own. “Come on Roger, you’ve started this, finish it!” 

It felt like an eternity, but finally Roger set the cup down, and dropped his head onto the console desk. 

“Roger?” 

“You’re fucking splitting that twenty with me, John,” Roger grumbled in reply as he dragged his head back up. 

“That’s a kindness. I bet him fifty you’d give up, nice of you to let him have all that,” Freddie said, sweet as sugar as he handed the fifty pound note to John. 

Roger turned to Brian, something dark and mischievous in his eyes. “Brian, I do think you’ve forgotten to put any sugar in yours. Let me help.” 

Before he could stop him, Roger had his cup in hand and had darted out of the door with it, cackling. 

“You’re getting exactly what you deserve,” Freddie tutted as Brian gave up his money to John, who seemed absolutely pleased as punch with the whole situation. 

“I know. I didn’t ask for this though,” Brian sighed. “He’s been out there for five minutes, how long can it take to sabotage coffee?” 

“I don’t know, but I certainly wouldn’t drink it,” Freddie chuckled. 

“…you drink it all, I’ll give you ten back,” John smiled. 

He didn’t need the ten, technically, but it was a point of pride now, and he could hear Roger giggling as he came back into the room with the cup. 

How bad could it really be? 

He was about to find out.


End file.
